ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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