Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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