ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
