I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
