i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
