Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
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I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
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I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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