New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize