And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We have started to decorate penises.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
