I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
