im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
