Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
