I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
