five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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