I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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