I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
