I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
