38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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