Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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