No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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