i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
