sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize