haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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