If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
21 Sketchy Drug Deals That Are Scary AF
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.