My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
