you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
love makes seman taste better
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.