I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car