Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

Dude my mom stole all your condoms

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move

(617): View more from Massachusetts

that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.

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(512): View more from Texas

so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button

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These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Read it at the TFLN blog
(847): View more from Illinois

so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.

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(708): View more from Illinois

Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete

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