Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
