I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
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