12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.