I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
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Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
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I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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