That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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