I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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