If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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