Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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