I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Randomize
