Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
