So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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