All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
