It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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