So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
