but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
