Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
