He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
