I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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