I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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