the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
