So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
love makes seman taste better
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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