So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
