i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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