When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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