ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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