Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
