I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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