when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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