i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize