$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
