I wish my penis had an off switch
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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