awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
