So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
