Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
