Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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