How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
