just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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