it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
