May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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