I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
