It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
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Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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