she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you win again, gameday.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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