he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
