he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
