I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
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If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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