some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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