Yo dont text me then not text me
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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