Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
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Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
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