I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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