can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
