Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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