I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
