oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
