I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
you're hired as official boob wrangler
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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