I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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