Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
