Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
