i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
