My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
