I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
