I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
