those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
ugly people sure do ruin things
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
