how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Bring me that man meat
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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