And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Im part way to drunk.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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