# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
