Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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