You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
