Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
