We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
