woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize